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Star Wars Update

Copyright 1996-1997. Bruce A. Epstein. All Rights Reserved.

Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars" Trilogy

15. Han cuts open Joe Camel to keep Luke warm inside his guts

14. Tie Fighters are recalled due to faulty airbag deployment system

13. "Leia and the dance of the light Sabers" scene garnishes NC-17 rating and special effects Oscar.

12. Dennis Rodman as Yoda

11. White House is blown up, with Will Smith as Lando Calrissian

10. Princess Leia singing, "The night time is the right time for makin' Wookie"

9. Darth Vader wearing Breath-Rite nasal strips

8. Clinton's cameo as "Bubba the Hut"

7. Chewbacca eats Leia's hair bun and bites a hole clear through her skull.

6. C3PO suffering a stroke while on a diplomatic mission to France (obscure)

5. R2D2 now says "You've got mail!"

4. After being acquitted in the destruction of the death star, Luke Skywalker is sued for compensatory and punitive damages in the civil trial.

3. Jennifer Aniston as Leia in the bikini scene, with Han Solo doing jello shots out of her belly button.

2. Darth Vader's ex-wife demanding half the galaxy in the divorce settlement, plus custody of Luke and Leia.

1. Tommie Lee Jones as Boba Fett telling Han Solo, "I don't care".


0. "Millenium Falcon" re-christened the "Y2K Falcon".

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Copyright © 1996-1997. Bruce A. Epstein. All Rights Reserved.

(The page last revised June 13, 1997)